2013

DECEMBER 2013

"We live in a world where knowledge and information have made enormous strides, yet millions of children are not in school. We spend more money on weapons than on ensuring treatment and support for the millions infected by HIV. It is a world of great promise and hope. It is also a world of despair, disease and hunger."

Nelson Mandela

31

Another year is quickly over and so it goes.  As a final thought for 2013, I found a quote on Facebook that will give a laugh to all the contrarians and those with a sense of humor.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!!!

30

Happy Holidays

Christmas is stressful for everyone – including all the non-Christians.  There’s the insane commercialism – spending money is the only real Family Value.  Family get-togethers that are inherently stressful, not necessarily desired but a forced ritual.  The  deceptive attendance at religious services, the travel and the long-standing family roles all play a part in the Christmas distress.

The travel

The in-laws

The preparation

The appetizers

The vegetables

The tenderloin

The table

The buffet

The booze

The tree

The presents

The church

The insincerity

The desserts

The neighbors

The pretense

The games

The gossip

The pleasantries

The babies

The pets

The fiancés

The girlfriends

The boyfriends

The timing

I am usually stressed out for the Christmas holidays.  It tends to be the only time I return to Boston to see family and friends.  I usually suffer from some degree of panic attack prior to leaving as I wonder if anyone really wants me to come up or would it make any difference if I came up or not, etc.  Then I go up and everyone is not only nice but they actually seems glad to see me!  My brother, Billy, picks me up at the airport and buys coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts in the morning.  My sister-in-law, Jayne, and her sisters are always welcoming (I am the only “extra brother” that attends the Christmas festivities).  My niece and two nephews, Jill, Brian and Cotter, are a lot of fun.  So despite the inevitable stress of the annual holiday, I’ll always have a place where I feel welcome.  After I leave the family, there are visits with friends Paul and George.  They treat me not only like family,  but like a special guest.  The trip, albeit stressful, is both a pleasant and heartwarming way to end the year.

21

AFRICA:  the poorest continent where most countries are incapable of taking care of their citizens, where disease and government corruption are rampant, where countries only survive by virtue of international aid.  BUT, they have plenty of time and energy to persecute LGBT people.  Following is a condensed article from Agence France-Presse.

Laws on homosexuality in African nations

Agence France-Presse, December 20, 2013

According to a report by Amnesty International, homosexuality was illegal in 38 out of 54 countries in the region, with the death sentence applying for homosexual acts in Mauritania, Sudan and Somalia.  Following are some countries which have adopted repressive laws against homosexuals:

- UGANDA: A new law adopted on Friday will see repeat offenders jailed for life, while the new bill stiffens penalties and also criminalises the public promotion of homosexuality -- including discussions by rights groups.

- NIGERIA: In May, lawmakers approved a bill to outlaw gay marriage and crack down on gay rights, including criminalising public displays of affection between gays. The bill provides for jail terms of up to 14 years for gay marriage.

- CAMEROON: Homosexual relations can be punished with up to five years in prison.

- GAMBIA: Homosexuality is punishable by up to 14 years imprisonment, for men and women.

- ZAMBIA: Same-sex relationships have been banned since British colonial rule, and a sodomy conviction carries a 14-year prison sentence.

- SENEGAL: Anyone convicted of an "improper or unnatural act with a person of the same sex" faces up to five years in jail.

- TUNISIA: Sodomy between consenting adults is punishable with up to three years in prison.

- MOROCCO: Homosexuality is punishable by six months to three years in prison, but is tolerated provided practitioners do not flaunt their different sexual orientation.

- ZIMBABWE: President Robert Mugabe is known for saying that gays and lesbians are "worse than pigs and dogs". However, the group Gays and Lesbians is authorised.

- MALAWI: In November 2012 President Joyce Banda suspended sodomy laws until they are debated by parliament. Under the country's penal code, men can be sentenced for up to 14 years and women to five years for homosexuality.

SOUTH AFRICA leads the way on gay rights.  Since the end of apartheid in 1994, South Africa has had one of the world's most liberal legal frameworks for homosexuals.

17

Pope Invalidates Eighth Commandment

Today Pope Francis in his role of infallible leader of one billion Catholics throughout the world declared that the eighth commandment, “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor,” is no longer valid nor is it a sin.  In a new encyclical entitled Lyaem Skruaem et Fucaem, the Pope explained that bearing false witness is a valuable characteristic of human behavior and that humanity would not have progressed to what it is today without constant lying.

Il papa explains how all of Judaism is a lie – which most of the Jews already know.  There was no Abraham, Moses, David or any of the other “historical personages.”  The whole one god thing was just to piss off the Romans and Greeks.  The chief rabbi of Israel verified the duplicity shortly after the Pope’s announcement.  The Catholics continued all the Jewish lies and added the bizarre lies of immaculate conceptions, resurrections, feeding multitudes, miracles, saints and even infallibility.  Then the Muslims took all the previous lies and added Mohammed the prophet as a man of peace while their mythology specifically cites all the violent actions of the Mo’.  This was verified in depth by Osama Bin Laden prior to his murder (or his alleged murder!)  There has never been a rabbi, priest, minister, imam or lama who has not lied throughout his or her given vocation – usually to maintain health insurance and retirement plans.

The Pope further evidenced his sacred declaration with many examples of perpetual lying.  He noted that every important political figure has lied since Julius Caesar.  Every US president has lied since George Washington with Reagan, Bush 1 and 2, and Clinton in the top five.  Oddly enough, Obama has told more lies than any other president while George W. retains the second slot.  The Obama administration was able to top the list with the help of the NSA.  Every monarch on all seven continents has lied in order to maintain his or her power.  Queen Elizabeth II is the number one monarchial liar due to her regular confrontations with the republicans.

Every single corporation throughout the world lies about the safety and quality of their products as well as the integrity of their executives and employees.  The worst offenders are the investment banks and stock markets, the regular banks, agribusiness, the pharmaceuticals, the high-tech industries, the automobile industry, the film and television industries, attorneys, physicians, hospitals and HMOs, nursing homes, retail and online stores, consignment and pawn shops, airlines, advertising agencies, realtors, insurance companies and supermarkets.

Finally, the pope cites statistics that every human being lies at least forty times per week and each is subjected to an average of 200 lies during that same time period.   Francis, in his role of infallible pope, has determined that due to the constancy and ubiquity of human mendacity, lying is not only a necessary aspect of the human character but also part of the genetic makeup.  Fortunately for the Pope, other religious leaders, and politicians the world over, 95% of the public believes that the pope is lying and they have not changed their actions or beliefs one iota.  However, that same 95% were thrilled that lying is no longer a sin as it frees them from any and all guilt associated with all the false witnessing.  According to the latest Vatican poll, Francis is the most popular pope of all time.

11

Last night I watched a relatively new documentary entitled “Bridegroom” (Netflix and other venues) about a gay couple, Shane Crone and Tom Bridegroom (actual last name).  They were a young couple that had been together six incredibly loving years and were just waiting for California to legalize same-sex marriage and then they would marry.  Horrifically, Tom dies from a freak accident at the age of 29.  Shane has absolutely no legal rights with respect to Tom, Tom’s health, Tom’s estate or Tom’s death; he is not allowed to participate in the funeral or burial arrangements or even allowed to attend the funeral under threat of violence by Tom’s family.  Tom’s family is incredibly homophobic – particularly the father – and they would not participate in the making of the documentary.  When people breed, the only responsibility they have is to love their children.  These parents were too full of hate to do the right thing.  Fortunately, now millions and millions of people throughout the world know how they treated their son and that they deserve to be impossibly miserable for the rest of their lives.  Nobody “chooses” to be gay but doing the wrong thing is always a “choice.”  This film by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (Designing Women) came about from a video that Shane had created and posted on YouTube entitled “It Could Happen to You.”  There are other YouTube videos related to the film including Bill Clinton’s introduction of the film at the Tribeca Film Festival.  This is one big reason why LGBT people need basic civil rights protections.  Watch it and see for yourself.

Just a few more pictures of The Bob performing in Paris.  (Shameless self-promotion!)

8

Breaking News:  Rash of Babies Born Without Fathers

There has been a rash of babies born today in New York City without a father anywhere in sight.  The fathers were not absent or dead or missing in action.  These babies, 666 in all, were conceived without male sperm! Each of the women has declared, "Nobody fucked me!  Nobody fucked me! It's a fucking miracle!"  Due to the extraordinary amount of births, a makeshift delivery room was fashioned from an empty Pottery Barn, as New York hotels had no room due to all the holiday parties. These babies have been born without any trace of a Y-chromosome and yet both male and female offspring appear to have the rare G-D chromosome that only occurs every 2000 years – designated as XXG-D in girls and XG-D in boys.  Doctors are baffled, puzzled and enigmatized and have convened an emergency meeting of the Ob/Gyn subsection of the American Medical Association to investigate the phenomenon referred to as Clean Conception Syndrome or CCS.  To add to the confusion each baby has been visited by three drag queens from the Orient-R bar in the east village led by the east coast’s brightest star, Rufus St. Paul.  They have brought gifts of gold bling, Old Spice and sage-scented potpourri to all the mothers.  Even more bizarre is a gathering of farm animals in front of the Pottery Barn – sheep, goats, cows, oxen, dogs, cats, squirrels, rats and ‘possum.  It is believed that they have all escaped from trucks en route to the town of Jerusalem in the western New York county of Yates.  Pandemonium has broken out in the Upper East Side as up-scale women have stormed hospitals and Pottery Barns to learn the secret of male-free conception.  The mayor has issued a state of emergency and has called out the National Guard, the ASPCA and Gloria Steinem.  Meanwhile, in Central Park, an unprecedented concert of drummers has formed with such luminaries as Ringo Starr, Tommy Lee and Nick Jonas while recordings of Paul Anka’s “(You’re) Having my Baby” can be heard throughout the park like an angelic choir.  The newborns have been swaddled through the generosity of OshKosh B’Gosh.  For reasons of privacy, mothers and children will soon be moved to New Egypt, New Jersey until January 6 of next year.  Stay tuned, as we will be updating this story as events unfold.

5

Reflections on Paris

Writers, painters, thinkers and performers have always flocked to Paris because the city has always embraced such artists.  One can even get a yearlong visa by proposing an artistic project.  Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, Chopin, Vincent van Gogh, Samuel Beckett, James Baldwin, Josephine Baker and a multitude of lesser-known creative people all spent time living in Paris.  Paris is a stunningly beautiful city…and very romantic.  It is often compared to New York City but Paris is not NYC.  Paris was a major cultural magnet before New York had even a single light on Broadway.  And you can see the sun in Paris!

I have wanted to live in Paris since I first visited when I was sixteen.  I find Paris to be just as exciting now as I did then.  I feel like I belong there.  I have lived in Washington, DC, San Francisco and Los Angeles.  None of those cities are calling out to me, if you will.  I stayed far too long in both Los Angeles and Washington.  While San Francisco is a great city and one of the very few places where I still have friends, I just didn’t get the feeling that I should move back during my last two visits there.  But Paris screams my name!  Could I fail miserably there?  Of course, but there is only one way to find out.  I wasted so much time with law school and the bar.  It was exhausting to wake up every day and either have to study for the bar or look for some administrative job.  I would rather rip out my fingernails one by one than spend the rest of my life in a miserable job.  I’m 55 years old.  If I don’t search out a satisfying life now, when do I start?  60, 65, 70?  There are no golden years – that’s just a myth to keep people working as long as possible.  I know very few people who are really happy in their jobs.  Most cannot wait until either the weekend or retirement arrives.  I don’t want the rest of my life to be like that.  I don’t need a lot of money.  I’ve let go of my need for fame or infamy.  I just want to be in a creative vocation in a supportive environment…and I want to live in Paris.  I think it’s a gamble worth risking.

While in Paris, I created this blog which gives me a body of work to show, if necessary.  I wrote about a dozen poems, some in French.  I performed in open mics, both in English and French and last Saturday night – my last night in Paris – I performed in a brand-new one-act play on a boat in the Seine in front of about one hundred people, standing room only.  How wild is that?  For me, it was incredibly wild!  This clinched my decision to return.  Did I make any money?  No, none.  Did it make me happy?  Yes, incredibly!  Did it make me feel as though I had some talent?  Yes – I received some wonderful feedback on my performance.  Am I a good actor?  Yes, I am.  Do I have the balls to give it a shot?  Yes, I do.  I am ready to fall into the arms of the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Champs-Elysees and all the magic of this city of lights.  If I fall flat on my face – it won’t be the first time – then I come back to Washington or San Francisco or Boston with my tail between my legs, find that office job, and start ripping out the fingernails.  But what if I succeed and find that I want to get up in the morning because something interesting or maybe even exciting might happen that day.  Would that be so bad?  (Rhetorical question)

N.B.  I return to Paris on March 27.

1

I am back in Washington, DC and clear that I will be returning to Paris sometime in March.  It's the only city that calls out to me and I love being there.  Now that I have made some acquaintances (future friends) it will be all the easier and more pleasant to return.  Now where's that French husband of mine with that French green card!  More reflections on Paris to come.  The Bob-World has a new, semi-permanent Sunday-Best-Dressed look (formerly used) that exemplifies the Bob-World -- clean, fluid, cool, malleable, elusive, thirst-quenching, bitchy, life-giving, sarcastic, smooth, moody and a little bit of fun!

NOVEMBER 2013

OCTOBER 2013

"It's by doing whatever we want that we become anything we want."

Remi Gaillard (funny French guy from Montpellier)

 31

It Gets Better — Happy Halloween!

Religion Rant, Part II

It is officially Halloween in the City of Lights.  Halloween is also referred to as the “Homosexual High Holiday” for two reasons.  1.  Gay men, particularly, love to dress up in costumes and — unlike many of our straight brothers — have incredible talents in this cavalcade of masquerade.  2. For most gay men and lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered folks, some part of our lives is lived by playing a character who is not us.  We hide behind a facade of not being who we really are.  On Halloween, we all get to celebrate not being who we are rather than suffering for the same reason.  Halloween is a celebration of being both you and not you!

Dan Savage is a sex columnist, gay activist, father and basically an incredibly talented and incredibly funny gay man.  If you like people who can think and be funny at the same time, check out Dan’s videos called American Savage on Youtube.  In 2010, Dan and his husband, Terry, started a project called “It Gets Better.”  The project is/was a series of TV spots with famous people telling LGBT and all kids that life does get better.  It is a very clever way of letting kids know that no matter how bad things are — difficult families, bullies, depression, loneliness — life does get better and not to lose sight of this.  Even President Obama participated in the project. 

What is so heartbreaking is that in 2013 we have to still worry about LGBT kids committing suicide, running away, becoming homeless or hurting themselves in some other way.  This is why I rant about religion and republicans.  But instead of ranting further, I have decided to explain why I have such disdain for both religions and republicans.  Some people may think that my rants come out of the blue since many are not aware of the personal experiences that led me to my current opinions concerning religion and politics.  My thought process has evolved over many years and I like to think that both logic and common sense played their part.

I was raised catholic and had catholic education through college.  I was a good catholic boy who, like many other catholic gay men at one point contemplated the priesthood.  It was always unnerving to hear terrible things about gay people coming from the church — particularly when there seemed to be so many gay-ish people in the church!  Finally, it occurred to me that maybe the catholic church was WRONG about what it said about gay people.  I knew that I was inherently gay not by choice or spite.  Then it occurred to me that if the church was wrong about something so important to me, might the church be wrong about others things?  As it turns out, the church was wrong about EVERYTHING and not just the christians but all the jews and the muslims as well.  If you currently believe in a god then you must believe that this god gave you a brain.  Well, your god would be really, really pissed off if you didn’t use it.  At least 98% of the bible has no historical corroboration at all.  Do you really think that all the Romans, Greeks and every Jew living at the time of the alleged Jesus would not have written about some Jewish preacher who was healing the blind, the deaf, the sick and the dead and for an encore, came back from the dead himself?!?  I did my research and there is NO historical corroboration, none.  Get on google, read, think.  If you can’t back up what you say or believe, believe me, you look stupid.

While it was bad enough that the church had lied about gay people and it was bad enough that the church lied about everything else, I didn’t have to have anything to do with the church; I was free from the church.  Then the AIDS pandemic came along.  This was when the church and the republicans said things like “gays get what they deserve” and “this is god’s punishment for their sins” and “AIDS is a blessing from god.”  (Now to be fair, the democrats were not much kinder during this time, however, the republicans, including Ronald Reagan, could not have said more vicious things about gay men.  My political analogy is that democrats are like rapists and republicans are like child molesters.  Both are evil but one is just a little creepier — like the catholic church).

For those of you who were not around in the 1980s, you do not know the horror that AIDS was for gay men.  Young men were dying horrible deaths and huge groups of people thought it was justified, including families of these young men.  You cannot understand the fear, despair and isolation that gay men felt.  You did not know my friend Billy who was one of the sweetest men alive and who died at 29 thinking that he deserved to die because that is what the catholic church told him.  You did not know my friend Mike, of Italian descent, dead at 35 and who was incredibly handsome and kind.  Not only did his father disown him but his beautiful face became covered with Kaposi’s sarcoma.  You didn’t know my friend Danny who was the only man with whom I have ever fallen in love — from the moment I met him until he died three years later at the age of 33.  And I never had the balls to tell him.  Because you didn’t know my friends Billy, Michael and Danny, it is impossible for you to comprehend what I experienced back in the 80s.  But, pretend for a moment that all your closest friends died tomorrow.  How do you think you would you feel?  It was something like that.

I have no reason to forgive either the catholic church or the republicans.  Igorance is when you support the catholic church or the republicans without knowing about the history of the 1980s; malevolence is when you support either group and know the history of the 1980s.  If you support the constantly homophobic republican party of today, then no matter your protestations, you support a party who regularly acts against my best interests and you really don't believe it is a bad thing.  So be aware, the kindest I can be to you republicans/catholics (and other adherents) is that I do not scream at you until I verbally eviscerate you.  My rants have specific origins.  I don’t have to tolerate other people's bad choices; religion and politics are both choices.

So, to wrap up, someone has to rant for Billy, Michael, Danny, and countless others.  I am incredibly honored to have that opportunity.  Dan Savage is one of my heroes.  Happy Halloween!

30

I am back in Paris and as one little girl in a gingham dress said "Oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home!"  Last night I finally accepted the fact that I am a bear -- not a lion, not a tiger, but a bear.  For those of you not familiar with the term, a bear is an older gay man who may or may not be somewhat overweight and who may or may not be rather hairy.  Originally, a bear would be someone big, hairy, older (than 35) and cudly.  But now I think the term is more inclusive of older (than 30) gay men who no longer fit nor want to fit the mold of the youth centered life of gay twenty- and thirty-somethings.  Younger men who are attracted to the bear type are called bear cubs.  We gay people are very clever linguistically!  So Wednesday night I went to a bar call the Bears' Den.  Happy hour from 5 to 8 was quite crowded.  It was predominantly an older crowd (over 30) and pretty friendly.  I first started chatting with an two guys I heard speaking English.  One was an American who was from the DC area and the other was French but he had lived in DC for a time.  As the "heures joyeuses" passed, I also spoke to several French guys.  (The white noise in a crowded bar does hamper one's ability to converse in a foreign language.)  I spoke to a cute French guy who currently works in Morroco and as it turns out was a 23 year-old cub but... well, I have to stop here to maintain the blog's PG rating.

27

For my last day in Montpellier, I wandered around once more and picked up my train ticket for tomorrow.  I had one more delicious gelato at the Italian gelato place (which I hope is a chain so there'll be one in Paris.)   Had a beer at the allegedly gay bar/bistro.  Now, I am cleaning the apartment and packing.  Almost two months in la belle France.

26

Finally, my last weekend in Montpellier has arrived.  I have spent four weeks in a two-week town.  May I be sent to the hell of Westboro Church if I fail to do basic travel research ever again.  But I did get to make a return trip to the charming restaurant called Didaskali (check out website) run by the lovely Laurence.  In addition to a delicious, healthy lunch, Laurence graciously introduces me to her friends that stop by.  Today I met Martine (who I had actually met the last time) and two very handsome young men, Orlando, a Brit who just moved here, and Freddie (sorry, I suspect that's not the spelling), who is originally from Avignon (home of the dancing bridge and the radical pope imposter).  It was a great opportunity to practice my French for the afternoon and I can definitively say that people in Montpellier are far friendlier than in Paris or Nice!

Back to Paris in just two days!  Although Paris is a tough town (like New York), I finally realized that I don't have to be nice in Paris.  I can just be my normal, cynical, sarcastic (and yet funny) self and I will fit right in with the Parisians.  This could be the key to finding that French husband!  My talents will finally be appreciated. Being nice for extended periods of time is so draining.

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There is a great FaceBook page called "I fucking love science."  I just had to share some of their photos.

24

Religion Rant, Part 1 (Due to the enormity of this task, I am dividing this rant into two parts.)

Today, there was an article I saw on Yahoo entitled “Anti-gay Bangladesh clerics target Nobel winner Yunus.”  According to the article, Bangladesh’s only Nobel prize winner Muhammad Yunus faces a state-backed campaign seeking to paint him as un-Islamic and a spreader of homosexuality because he signed a joint statement along with three other Nobel laureates in April 2012 criticizing the persecution of gay people in Uganda.

This article has become my tipping point.  I have tried to have tolerance for muslims because they have been condemned as a group for the actions of a few radical members since 2001.  But the truth of the matter is that islam (I won’t even capitalize these anti-human philosophies) is just as absurd, hateful, duplicitous and anti-intellectual as judaism and christianity.  All three of these “major religions” denigrate gays and lesbians.  If you support a religion that denigrates gay people, then you participate in that denigration just as one promotes racism if he belongs to the klan whether he ever burns a cross in someone’s yard or not.

The three “major religions” have persecuted gay people for centuries.  So I am no longer putting up with this bullying at all, anymore.  I can no longer listen to allegedly educated people say “bless you” when someone sneezes (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean) or tell someone that they will pray for them, when some terrible event occurs, to the same “god” that either caused the event or simply allowed the event to happen.  How insane is that?  I will have to scream in your face if you justify your religious beliefs by saying that you have “faith.”  We are not in the third century.  We live in a time of advanced science and technology.  If you need to use the word “faith,” please change it to “I choose to ignore reason and therefore, I believe x.”   How do you “religious” lawyers, doctors, and scientists — whose entire careers are based on research, evidence, proof, and analysis — justify an entire set of philosophical beliefs simply by saying that you have “faith?” Do you say this as a rote response without giving it any thought?  Does the human brain encompass both the rational and the irrational?  Yes, of course, but not by purposeful choice/conscious decision!  Oh, and please don't say that you are "spiritual"; nobody knows what that means, least of all the people who use the word to describe themselves.  (I think it has something to do with Caspar the friendly ghost.)

If you belong to a religion (judaism, christianity, islam) that not only denigrates gays and lesbians but also treats women as second class participants,  wouldn’t it be more responsible to think “I better give this religion some careful analysis in case it might be wrong about other things” instead of saying “oh, I don’t agree with that but you can’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”  Yes, if the baby is actually a scum-infested plastic doll, then yes, you CAN throw the baby out with the bath water and do it fast before you catch anything! How do generally intelligent jews believe in a “god” after the holocaust?  Clearly, the jews are not a specially chosen group of people — unless chosen means hated.  How does a parent who has lost a child to a horrific disease after years and years of praying to some “god” continue to buy into the “loving god” or “god acts in mysterious ways” bullshit.  Such acquiescence should be reason enough to be institutionalized, not lauded for having “faith.”

And what has been done?  Lip service.  Some jews, some christians, some muslims say that being gay or lesbian is fine and the religions are wrong on that particular issue.  Have the jews and christians taken the book of Leviticus out of their torahs and bibles?  No.  Not only is Leviticus used to send the gay people to hell but Leviticus was also used by the slave owners to justify slavery.  When slaves are mentioned in Leviticus, it is in the context of normal life as in the following verses:

19v13 You must not rob another person. You must not keep a slave’s money until the morning.

19v20 A slave girl belongs to a man. Another man must not have sex with her. If he does, he is doing a wrong thing. But the girl is not free. He has not bought her. You must punish them. But you must not kill them because the girl was not free.

22v11 A slave can eat the holy gifts if he was born in the priest’s house. Or he can eat the holy gifts if the priest bought him.

25v39 If an Israelite becomes poor, he might sell himself to another person. He must not work as a slave for that person. He must be like a paid servant.v40 He must work for that person until the next Jubilee year. v41 In the Jubilee year, you will make him free. He and his children can go back to his own house and family…v44 Israel’s people can buy male and female slaves. Those slaves must come from other countries. v45 And Israelites can buy people from other countries who live among them. They may have children who were born in your country. You can buy them. They will become slaves.v46 You can give the slaves to your children when you die.

If indeed, the verse in Leviticus about sleeping with a man as a woman is actually an abomination then we must conclude that slavery is a normal part of life (ergo, should exist today) because “god” included all this in his “holy word.”  Or does the good book err?

So here’s my request.  If you are a participant in either islam, judaism, or christianity, please share with me the methodology you used in determining your religion.  If you simply maintained the religion of your parents or family, please share with me the thought processes involved from year to year that cause you to maintain those religious beliefs.

Just for fun:  the following are big no-nos in Leviticus if any of you were wondering.

Chapter 20

v9 If a person says bad things about his mother or his father, you must kill him. He has destroyed their honour. His sin will cause his death.

v10 If a man has sex with another man’s wife you must kill him and the woman.

v11 A man is sinning if he has sex with his father’s wife. You must kill the man and the woman. They have destroyed the father’s honour. Their sin causes their death.

v12 A man is sinning if he has sex with his son’s wife. You must kill them both. They have not obeyed the rules of nature. Their sin causes their death.

v14 A man is sinning if he marries a woman and her mother. You must burn the man and both the women in the fire. Then their sin will not make my people unclean.

v15 A man is sinning if he has sex with an animal. You must kill the man and the animal.

v16 A woman is sinning if she has sex with an animal. You must kill the woman and the animal. Their sin causes their death.

v17 It is a sin if a man marries his sister. She may be the daughter of his father or of his mother. It is a sin if he has sex with her. The people must send them away. He has taken away his sister’s honour. He must carry the punishment for his sin.

v18 A man must not have sex with a woman when she is bleeding. If he does, it is a sin. They have not obeyed the rules of the Lord. The people must send them away.

v19 A man must not have sex with his mother’s sister or with his father’s sister. They are both doing a wrong thing. They are taking away the family’s honour. Their sin causes their punishment.

v20 A man is sinning if he has sex with his aunt. He is taking away his father’s brother’s honour. They will have no children.

v21 It makes the people unclean if a man marries his brother’s wife. He has taken away his brother’s honour. They will not have any children.

Just as funny, is the following is the islamic mandate for female shame.

And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should...not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physial needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should n ot strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. (koran, 24:31)

Now I have two questions that perhaps a reader of the koran can explain.  By ornaments are we referring to the type that hang on a Christmas tree?  And is it considered proper in islam for a woman to show her ornaments to every male member of her family before the holiday?

From Wikipedia comes further explanation:

Most Islamic legal systems define this type of modest dressing as covering everything except the face and hands in public...Some interpretations, however, say that a veil is not compulsory in front of blind, asexual or gay men.

As a member of the subcommittee on fashion cover-up for women, I can safely say that veils are still compulsory in front of blind men and gay men.  Asexual men have no preference.

Because of the enormity of the task of the Religion Rant, this rant will continue on Monday with Part 2 which I will compose on the train to Paris.

22

Today the hair was done and I feel like 49 all over again!  Thanks to great genes, I am over 50 and there is not a gray hair in sight!!!

As I was googling today I found an article on Montpellier that describes it as the "rust belt" of France.  Apparently, this region of France is the poorest in the country and has the highest unemployment rate.  Most of the poor are immigrants from Northern Africa.  They seem to refuse to assimilate both because they are Muslim and because the French do not like non-white people.   While the French have refused to give up the Napoleonic attitude of superiority, the muslims just won't yield on their crazy religion.  Due to my utter disdain for relgion, I have no sympathy for religious adherents be they catholics, protestants, jews, muslims or whatnot and I love the fact that France does not allow religious garb or bling in public buildings.  But unless the French give up their racist, superior attitudes and include the immigrants in French society -- many of whom are actually French citizens or legal residents via colonization -- the muslims will continue violent protests in deference to their irrational religious beliefs.  Of course, in order for the religious violence in the world to end christians, jews, muslims, et al., must all abandon their religions.  I don't know that the world will survive long enough for that to happen.  (My understanding is that all courses in reason, logic and analysis have been banished from global education.)  If there really were a god, he (not she, because an omnipotent being can only be a man!) would destroy this world in a heartbeat and not even consider a re-do.

Oh, what a tangled web...and yet, it is such a profitable gig, that I cannot rule out the option of starting a religion and jumping on that "prosperity gospel" bandwagon.  I had contemplated "Bobism" in the past as a potential philosophy.  I'm seeing dollar signs, I must be clergy already!  Maybe the Kingdom of Bob is lurking in the future.

The countdown back to Paris has begun:  6 days to go!

20

For most of my adult life I have traveled alone so as to avoid any potential homicides.  Dining alone was never a big deal but an opportunity to chat with a waiter or waitress about the place I was in and ask for suggestions of things to do or for some friendly chitchat.  When I was younger, dinner was the thing to do before I was going out for the evening.  Now that I am older dinner is not so much a prelude to later events but an opportunity to experience new food or a new city.  I have rarely gone out to dinner during this trip in an attempt to keep to a somewhat strict budget but I have allowed myself several lunches since they are much cheaper.  I don’t mind making my own dinner in the apartment as it gives me more of a sense of living here.

Tonight however, I thought I would go out to dinner to a place I had seen that specializes in mussels and is reasonably priced.  Mussels and french fries are a popular dish in the south.  I sit down, the waiter comes by, says good evening, hands me a menu and goes away.  I find some mussels that sound good along with a quarter (liter) of white wine.  Before I put my menu down the waiter is back and ready to take my order.  No chitchat, just the order and I do so.  In about a minute he brings my wine and by the time I take one sip another waiter is bringing my mussels and fries.  Now I am a fan of good service but this was so fast I could only think that they wanted me in and out quickly even though there was no wait for tables.  One benefit of the quick service was that I didn’t have to busy myself at all.  I find that waiting time seems much longer now when I dine alone so I always come prepared with something to read or write.  There was no sign of my waiter while I was eating which was fine albeit a good waiter would have quickly stopped by to check if everything was ok.  In France, the tip is included in the bill which I think is a disincentive to being overly attentive.  But when I’m eating, I’m happy to just eat.  After I had my full of mussels and fries, I rejoined my glass of wine.  In front of me were the pan for the mussels and sauce, the pan for the shells and the plate for the fries.  It seemed like I waited the longest time for anyone to come by and clear these things even though my waiter and two others had been flitting about.  Finally, one of the other waiters cleared the dishes, asked me if I wanted dessert or coffee, I declined, and he left.  At least my table was cleared and I could sit and enjoy my wine.  The restaurant was busy but not crowded and I noticed that there were mostly couples on the patio where I sat.  The same was true of the next door patio immediately to my right.  I find that being in the presence of lots of couples reinforces the fact that I am alone.  As the wine winds down, I look for the waiter to ask for the check.  At first I don’t see him and then I cannot get his attention.  I finish the wine and the waiter has yet to notice me.  Finally, I wave him down and a few minutes later the check arrives.  I have the exact amount and I look for him once more to give him the money; I don’t like leaving money on an outside table.  I see no sign of my waiter so I give it to one of the others and off I go. 

What struck me tonight was the invisibility of the lone diner or perhaps it’s the annoyance of the lone diner who will have a smaller check than all the couples and larger tables.  Maybe it was just the lack of interest on the part of the waiter that emphasized the aloneness whereas the tiniest bit of small talk would have made the meal far more pleasant.  Or maybe as I get older, it’s just too much work to eat dinner alone.

19

I just noticed that I got a blurb (no photo yet) on the "Paris Lit Up" website regarding the open mic night I did in Paris in September.  Paris Lit Up is the group that hosts the open mic.  (I'm the Bob with the secret lawyer society.)

I thought I would give you an outside look at the historic city center of Montpellier.  (No city in France lacks a historic center.)  The area is made up of small walkways that randomly interconnect; some of them are pictured below.  While it is quite easy to get lost when meandering around this anicent area, I think these winding little roads to nowhere give the city a touch of mystery, perhaps even foreboding.   I believe this is what they mean by charm.  Decide for yourself.  (My nephew, Brian, turns 28 today.  If you're reading, Happy Birthday!)

16

Tonight I met the cute kid who lives two doors away on my floor.  (I could easily spit from my door to his.) He’s probably on either side of 21 and is a film student here in Montpellier.  His name is Phileas after Phileas Fogg, the main character in the Jules Verne novel, "Around the World in Eighty Days." It’s such a great name for a filmmaker.  Of course, being an Imperialist, I never realized that Verne was French; I just assumed he was either English or American.  (Note to self:  add the French Empire to my Imperialist repertoire.)

Continuing on the imperialistic theme, I foolishly made a comment (I know, I know, I know) on an NPR website article discussing the economist Robert Shiller who recently won the “memorial” Nobel prize for economics.  I mentioned how Alfred Nobel had never established a prize for economics and that it was privately funded by a Swedish bank and hence called the Nobel “Memorial” prize in economic science (if ever there were an oxymoron.)  I think I also mentioned something about how economics is the most futile of the social sciences and how economists do nothing but attempt to explain some economic occurrence after the fact.  Well, needful to say, I was bombarded by smartasses who insisted that I explain myself and so I veered into the absurdity of capitalism, etc., etc., etc. as I mentioned that three-fourths of the economic prize winners had won solely because of their analyses in support of current capitalist thought and practices.  The rest were specialists in other fields whose expertise bore some relation to capitalist economic theory.  What shocks me so much is how so many people continue to defend capitalism as a viable system of market interaction no matter how many pitfalls manifest themselves from year to year.  I guess there would have be such global economic devastation that the rich would finally be completely tortured and killed by the peasants and wherein the peasants would be unable to re-establish any sustainable lifestyle due to the complete destruction of food and water caused by the finally-dead wealthy.

Continuing on the capitalist theme, I came across another movie about the evil Monsanto company called “Seeds of Death."  The movie shows how Monsanto is trying to control the world’s food source using genetically modified food (corn, soybeans, wheat, sugar beets) without any testing for possible (read probable) dangers to human beings although some early animal testing has shown horrific consequences on rats.  The movie is a must see for the reverberations of Monsanto’s business practices are coming fast and deadly.  This is the same company that developed DDT, PCBs, Agent Orange, and recombinant bovine growth hormone.  During the same time frame as Monsanto’s “inventions”, health issues from peanut allergies, infertility and autism to the burgeoning of HIV present themselves as correlative factors.  This corporate disaster is further evidence that capitalism as we know it needs to quickly evolve into a more humane form of economic system.  Don’t make me have to tell you this again!

On a less ominous note, there is a fabulous trompe l’oeil (trick the eye) mural here in Montpellier that I thought you would love to see (the trees are real).   And so, I leave you with chicanery.

14

Found a new place in Paris today for the month of November.  It's much smaller than the "great deal" I thought I had -- but it does have a washing machine!  Always remember this cliche:  IF IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY ISN'T!!!!!!  (I still think the woman who had the great apartment just rented it to someone else for a lot more money! -- Damn her!)

There are more cliches that I fancy:  a bitch in time seems like nine; a penny saved is still worthless; no good deed goes unpunished; if at first you don't succeed, have a couple of martinis; a dead bird in the hand is worth two dead birds in the bush -- there are just so many!

Well, it's time to retire so that I can think up make-believe things to do in this not-very-happening city.  My time is here is crushing my long-held myths of retirement and I think my hair is turning blue!

12

Congratulations to my nephew, Brian and his girlfriend, Kyra -- they just got engaged today!

I am comfortably back in Montpellier which is not “like 24 hours in Arles!”  Last night I finally went out to a gay bar -- the only “bar” that is actually a bar!  The other “bars” are really bistros.  The bar’s name is Heaven which is somewhat of a common bar name in Europe for a dance club.  This bar had a small dance floor of sorts and there were maybe 10 people in the place after 11 p.m.  I don’t think the bar could hold more than 25 people.  The young bartender was friendly; I had one beer and left.  It’s a sad statement for France if Montpellier is the second gayest city.  I don’t think I’ll be meeting my rich French husband here.

I have to say that this euro money is quite expensive.  It is hard to go out to lunch for less than $20-$25 with the exception of fast food -- and even fast food is more expensive than in the states.  A cheesburger at a small restaurant/bistro/brasserie is at least $15 and usually around $20.  With the alleged economic difficulties in Europe I would think there would be a lot more deals to be had.  I think Germany is ruining it for the rest of us!  The exchange rate is $1.35 to one euro but even if it were one to one the prices here would be higher than at home.

I went out to lunch today at a restaurant called Didaskali which was ranked #2 out of 551 restaurants by the website, Tripadvisor.  I had a bowl of vegetable soup and a large salad with chicken and I have to say that the food was very good and very fresh.  But it was the owner Laurence (who is also the chef and bottle washer) who makes the experience so pleasant.  She is friendly, accommodating and quite talented!  Her graciousness alone is worth the visit!

And tonight, I’ll be cooking in.

11

I am back from Arles and what a disappointent it was.  The only things to see in the town are ancient ruins, shown below, and some from WWII.  Otherwise, it is a tiny town (not much larger than the map they give you) and it closes up by 8 p.m.  This is what I get when I don't do my research.  It's also not a town for single people as there not much to do and absolutely no gay life.  I suppose it could be "romantic" for couples since it is a "cute" town but in France there are hundreds of "cute" towns and many much cuter than Arles.  So now, when I need to use the words "boring," "tedious" or "dull," I will just say "like 24 hours in Arles."  (And don't forget that I have co-opted the pronunciation of wee-fee for WiFi.  I see a future site called Bob-Speak!)

10

Today I am in Arles which is one hour from Montpellier by train.  Vincent van Gogh lived in Arles for several years in the yellow house that was immortalized in several of his paintings.  It was in the yellow house that Vincent cut off part of his ear during a severe depression following a visit from Paul Gaugin.  I am a fan of van Gogh and I have always wanted to visit Arles and experience some of the bizarre van Gogh energy!  As it turns out, the only thing here relating to van Gogh is a plaza named for him and many tourist souvenirs of his art.  The yellow house was bombed by the Americans at the end of World War II in order to end the German occupation of France.  Unfortunately, Arles suffered a good deal of destruction from the bombings and the yellow house was completely destroyed along with a bridge near the house that spanned the Rhone.  What's left of the bridge is shown below.  So, basically, there is nothing of van Gogh to speak of -- no yellow house, no museum, no famous artworks.  I would not have made the trip had I done the proper research.  I am returning to Montpellier tomorrow instead of Saturday as I originally planned.

Yesterday, I found out that the great one bedroom I had rented for a great price for the month of November has been canceled.  The woman who owns the apartment says there is flooding from a bad pipe but my suspicious nature thinks she got a better price for the month.  I am waiting to hear from the rental company and I hope that I get a better deal.  They do not like it when a confirmed booking is canceled.

I am still amazed at some of the habits of the French.  I thought it was just the busy city of Paris but in both Nice and Montpellier people virtually walk right into you and think nothing of it.  I will say that most will swerve at the very last second (should I not jump out of the way) but I have had contact with many a person carrying a large bag of some sort.  And I am still gagging from the body odor and an apparent lack or perhaps dislike of deodorant among the men.  I have noticed that many Arab men from northern Africa tend not to avail themselves of that fabulous triumph for the olfactory senses.  I remember taking a crowded bus many years ago when I was studying in a small city called Beanscon.  The bus would be filled with Arabs and Africans who were studying at the university there.  Well, we (the Americans) would get on the bus and immediately be overwhelmed (and I mean overwhelmed!) by the smell of body odor.  I was sixteen at the time and I would start laughing over the situation which caused me to gag even more from the smell.  I am a little shocked that the natural odor is still in vogue and I swear to the goddess I am ready to start selling (maybe giving away) sticks of deordorant to the many offenders!  Call me an obnoxious American but I feel this would be a patriotic act for la belle France!

Lastly, I will never again rent a fifth floor walk up.  Yes, I know that it's good exercise but by the fourth floor I am beat -- especially if I am carrying groceries.  I do try to plan my outings so that I don't have to come back to the apartment for several hours.  After one or two rounds of stairs I am in for the remainder of the day!  The one benefit is that since I am in the apartment for longer periods of time, I have been able to work on some writing projects that I have ignored for a long time.  I find that I am more productive when the television has only French channels -- unlike my beautiful 65 incher at home.

7

Nota bene:  No achievement is ever in vain.  Having fallen many, many times over the years both as a child and as an adult child, I have reached a top skill level in what I will call "tumbling."  I thought I would be in a good deal of pain today after my crash tumble yesterday.  But no, I can now walk better than I could before!!!  So unless you break a hip, always take those falls in stride -- you never know when they will come in handy.

6

Montpellier claims that it is the second gayest city in France next to Paris.  I'm just not seeing it. Every gay bar or restaurant I have tried to find no longer exists. There is little accurate information on google.  I'm starting to think it was a ruse to increase tourism during this long recessionary period.  I guess I need a big, cosmopolitan city like Paris.  I just don't fit into the country life -- and I thought Montpellier was on the Mediterranean Sea but it is a good 45 - 60 minutes away! At least the weather has been pleasant so far.  The city closes down on Sundays.  I don't think it's a religious thing so much as a day-off thing but I find it strange nonetheless.

I had a very graceful moment today.  For whatever reason, the sidewalks are oddly curbed -- part of the sidewalk may have a curb but then it suddenly disappears at another section.  As I was walking toward an incredible gelato shop I tripped on a curb and went down hard right on my knees -- and I don't mean the good way.  A few people stopped to ask me if I was OK but the mortification had quickly set in and I rushed into the gelato shop.  When I left I quickly turned onto a small street to avoid my audience.  Both knees and palms are bruised and I sense that I may not be able to walk tomorrow and I certainly won't be able to walk up four flights of stairs.  One bit of good news is that I won $6 in last night's lottery.  This is the third time in two weeks that I have won something.  I'm just waiting for the big one!

The site has a new look today -- for the Sunday New Best-Dressed Day.  On Sundays the site will have a new look from the myriad of available templates.  I wish I could pick a dozen of them and have the site automatically change each week but I don't think I have that technology yet.  As a good Gemini I love the constant change!

5

Today’s entry is a bitch session.  Yesterday, I figured there must be a way to insert photos onto the homepage of my blog versus just in the photo gallery.  And, of course, there is BUT it doesn’t seem to work the way the manual says it should.  I despise manuals; I like to speak, not chat, but speak, to a live person who can answer my questions in a matter of minutes.  Patience is the only virtue I do not possess.  There is no phone number for help; you can only email or chat.  After several hours of trying to insert photos -- they kept disappearing from the page somehow -- I contacted the “help” desk but only got email messages saying they would respond within 24 hours.  This doesn’t work for me; I want help when I need the help.  After about 12 hours of f**king around, I still did not have the proper photos in the proper places or in the proper positions.  Additionally, a friend suggested that I list the entries in reverse chronological order so that the most current entry would be at the top and regular readers would not have to scroll down to the end to read it.  This makes perfect sense.  Sadly, I could find no easy way to reverse the entries so I had to cut and paste each entry to put it in reverse chronological order.  Between this exercise and the photo debacle, I was fit to be tied -- but not in the good way.  Finally at 3 a.m. I went to bed.  There, I feel better already.  It's always more fun to bitch to others than just to yourself!

This morning there were a couple of emails from the help desk but they did not answer my queries and I soon gave up corresponding with the help desk.  The good news is that I finally finished the change in chronological order and I learned how to add a page so that all of September is on a separate page and only October is on the Homepage.  The photo insertions are still hit or miss and I have found that formatting the text is a mystery.  Otherwise, it's an absolutely beautiful day here and I have nothing else to say.

4

Each city I've been to so far -- Paris, Nice, Montpellier -- all have carousels.  Not that there anything wrong with carousels but I've started to think that it might be idiosyncratic to French cities.  Regardless of the reason, they are all visually appealing - and fun to ride.

2

Bought one Euro Millions lottery ticket yesterday and won 11.5 euros ($15.50). "The Day" has yet to arrive but at least I'm winning a little bit (after many, many years of losses at home.) Sadly, the euro keeps getting more expensive. It was $1.32 when I left and today it is $1.36. Do you realize the McDonald's in Paris, Nice and Montpellier are more popular and busier than I have seen in the U.S. Some of that French attitude has gone by the wayside!   And, McDonald's here is more expensive!

One final note for today, I found this guy online named Remi Gaillard who is a French punckster.  His videos are on Youtube and are pretty funny.  Check out his website at https://nimportequi.com. A toute a l'heure!

30

Well, I left Nice today and am in Montpellier which is in the middle of the south of France.  There were no train problems as I got my ass to the station early!  Once burnt, twice an idiot -- there’s some cliche like that.  Travel days are tough.  I think it’s because I brought too much luggage which is heavy to carry.  There will be a clothing donation before I leave here.  So far, since I haven’t had a washing machine, I’ve been wearing the same clothes as long as commonly decent.  And believe me, the way the French men refuse to wear deodorant, it would take months of wearing the same clothes before anyone here noticed!  This is the first time in my life when I have felt fastidious (like a clean freak).  Montpellier seems like a charming city -- and I rarely use the word “charming.” 

I am staying in a cute, clean and handy studio apartment.  Thank the goddess there is a washer in this apartment.  The young woman who owns it is very sweet and speaks English perfectly having spent time in both the U.S. and Australia.  A big neg though is that this is a fifth floor walk-up.  Yes, you read me right, a fifth floor walk-up.  I must have been two sheets to the wind when I read the apartment description.  I may very well succumb to a massive coronary right here in Montpellier on those winding stairs to the fifth floor.  If that happen thought, make sure I am laid out on my stomach in the coffin.  I may well be dead but my ass is going to look incredible!  Death notwithstanding, these apartment rentals are so much better than hotels.  I wish I had gotten a similar deal in Nice.  The hotels are far more expensive, the wee-fee is not great and you can’t cook your own meals!  I am here until October 28 when I return to gay Paree -- of course I hope my rich husband is here in gay Montpellieree!  I'm not going to be incredibly handsome forever!  One disappointment, the beach is a two-hour walk or a 35 minute bus ride.  For some reason, I thought it would be closer.  Maybe Marseille (on the Med sea) is the city for me!  It’s been one month in Napoleon’s country so far and two more to go.  I put an ad on Craigslist-Montpellier to tutor English since I’m fluent in that language.  Just waiting for some bites.

28

I have to say that customer service in the U.S. is superior to that in France.  While I am open to the slim possibility that I could be, on that rare occasion, a tiny bit bitchy, my expectations of service here are quite low based on past experiences.  Should a waiter be slightly attentive, great; if a supermarket cashier doesn’t bite my head off, great; and if the hotel reception doesn’t completely ignore a request, all the better.  Having worked in a hotel for several years, I know that one can easily get fired for not taking care of a guest’s needs.  This is not the case here.  Yesterday, I requested additional toilet paper and an extra bath towel.  Three hours later nothing had come so I went down to the front desk (or rather the only desk).  The gentleman acted as if I had never called even though I knew it was he to whom I spoke.  He immediately got what I needed but had I not gone to him I would have received nothing.  Of course, this could happen in an American hotel but I think there would be some apologizing in that situation.  I also notice that in restaurants or bistros the waiters have little interest in waiting on customers.  Even getting the check can take a long time -- almost as if they don’t care about being paid.  Last night, I went to the supermarket to buy dinner.  I picked out a tasty dessert but at the checkout I decided not to buy it.  Well, the cashier had rung it up and she was not happy that I changed my mind so instead of taking it off she added another one on and then took the second one off so I was still charged for the first.  Also, she was reluctant to give me a receipt.  I didn’t realize this error until I got back to the room.  I will say that when I returned to the store today, the service rep was quite pleasant and she returned my money immediately.  But to keep my blood pressure down, I will just keep lowering my expectations until I clean my hotel room myself, prepare my own restaurant dinner and check myself out at the market.

17

Last night I went to a meet and greet about acting classes in taught by a British guy named Peter that I found on the website Meetup.com.  It was a young crowd -- mostly under 50.  There was this great energy from all these young not-too-jaded actors, many of whom had recently been to the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh or a similar one in Avignon. Most are pursuing creative outlets away from their day jobs.   While the classes are taught in English there were a variety of nationalities present and everyone was at least able to converse in English.  It was fun so tonight I'm taking a monologue class.   The creative energy in acting classes is always stimulating for me.

Now, on a more personal subject -- I am giving in to my fetish of masochism.   I have signed up for an open mic night for Thursday.   Nothing puts the fear of d-o-g in you like stand-up comedy.  I did it years ago in San Francisco and Los Angeles.  It is frightening.  You are completely alone -- no other actors, no props, no chorus, nothing. If you die, you die alone.  Of course, if the audience laughs, there is an incredible high.  If they don't, hopefully you will never see these people again.  The other benefit of stand-up is that all other types of performing seem easy in comparison.

Went to an acting class which reminded of many of the acting classes I have taken throughout the years - and why I stopped taking acting classes. Nonetheless, it's a good place to meet Parisians who speak English and who are interesting.

As I wander around Paris I see so many handsome young men, many of them gay. Sadly, they see me as an old man even though I don't feel a day over 21! Aging, even with its various benefits, is such a bizarre thing.

I intended to go to Pere Lachaise cemetery this morning to take some pictures of famous dead people.  Dead people are much easier to photograph.  They don’t complain about anything.  However, it was raining all day and I didn’t want to deal with that.  I did get to meet Manuel, the apartment host.  He came by to pick up some papers -- just another cute twenty-something.  So the day was a wash -- so to speak!. Tomorrow I visit Wilde, Chopin, Piaf and Morrison!

8

My left foot was hurting, I have a constant headache trying to understand the Parisians, and the supermarkets are all closed on Sunday so I stayed in and watched episodes of Frasier and Keeping Up Appearances on youtube.

 7

I was up early Saturday to go shopping for some new sneakers.  The ones I had were just too far gone and were killing my feet -- heightened awareness after yesterday’s long walk.  I had done my research so off I went to GO Sport (French I think) but they did not have my size -- too large for the petite Frenchmen.  I asked for a “big and tall” store but to no avail.  Next stop Foot Locker (another sign of Imperialism) and I must have tried on ten pair of sneakers, including basketball sneakers.  Not one of them fit.  I felt like a freak.  My feet have been the same size since the sixth grade where all my classmates were in hysterics when I came in with new shoes.  Here in Paris, one of the shoe capitals of the world, the glass slipper doesn’t fit.  As I start to walk to the gay Marais I saw a Nike store.  I had nothing to lose so I went in and the nice salesman, Ahmed, did not pity me but was excited over this challenge.  The next thing I know I’m wearing Nike Kevin Durant “Meteorology” sneaks which had just arrived that morning!  As I walked toward the Marais I felt like a celebrity -- almost everyone was staring at my pink, black and grey fashion statement (well, presumedly at the sneakers).

I had lunch at a trendy gay cafe called Open Cafe with very cute waiters.  On the way back to the apartment I took some pictures that I think typify modern Paris.

and others that are just nutty.

Returned home and had a non-salami and cheese dinner.  Then I found TV on Youtube!!!

4

I woke up about 2 hours after I went to bed last night; I couldn’t get back to sleep so I stayed up.  By 6 am I was starving.  McDonald's was supposed to be open at 7 so I left shortly after 7 and, of course, they weren’t open.  (FYI, when traveling in a foreign country, McDonald’s has the cleanest bathrooms, they give you ice with a soda, and they have decent sized coffees.)  So in order to quench my hunger I bought 2 chocolate croissants and omg were they delicious!  Went back to bed at 8 until 3 p.m.  As I had to get up and do something I showered and went to my metro, Porte de Bagnolet, to buy metro tickets.  I knew that you can buy a ten-pack of tickets for a discount.  There are machines that sell the tickets.  As I was staring at the machine (which offers English as a language option) some guy who is also buying tickets felt bad for me and explained the process.  He spoke in English very quickly and with some accent (yes, English) but I got the idea.  The guy leaves so I try to buy tickets.  Everything was going smoothly until the machine wouldn’t take my debit card saying there is a technical problem.  I try a gain, I get the same response.  So I thought well, I just need two tickets and I can pay in cash -- voila, that works.  (I bought a ten-pack later on at another station.)  I take the metro to the Temple station since I know that that station should be close to the gay area.  Right after I get on the metro, this cute young guy gets on and sits next to me.  All of a sudden I get that whiff of bad tomato soup.  I start to gag.  For unknown reasons, some Parisians are still not willing to use deodorant.  This was true during my first trip to Paris in 1974 and, sadly, is still true today.  I understand the concepts of “au naturel” and avoidance of chemicals on the skin but I have a sensitive gag response so I appreciate the use of aluminum chlorohydrate.  Of course the one benefit is that there is far less concern about leaving the house and feeling fresh! 

I didn’t have a map (old GPS) with me and my phone needs wee-fee to work here so I take a guess as to the proper direction.  I happened upon the LGBT center which has wee-fee and continued to the Marais (the gay and old Jewish district) where the streets are familiar to me.  The sidewalks of paris are small and no one wants to let you by.  And truth be told, the parisians are rude and will run right into you --  similar to New Yorkers or the women who stop short to look at the windows of Ann Taylor’s on Connecticut Ave in DC.

3

I slept most of the day today -- jet lag is hell or maybe it was the half bottle of wine and sleeping pill I took last night.  It’s hard to tell.  I'm having just a few of the usual difficulties:  opening the two doors to get into the apartment building, opening the door to the apartment, connecting to the WiFi (which they pronounce wee-fee and which I shall be doing as well), finding trash bags and bins, understanding how much to pay cashiers at the supermarket.   I realized that I don't know enough food names in the supermarket such that it was easier to buy salami and sliced cheese for a few days.  I think I have resolved most of these issues.  I did get a little lost tonight from the market but as it turns out all roads lead to my apartment.  Good news is - just like DC - I only have to go about six blocks for three supermarkets, two metro stops, cafes, three boulangeries (bread store), charcuterie (pork store) and a McDonald’s that is open until 2 a.m. (but they ran out of coffee before 9 p.m.)  Oddly, one of the main supermarkets, Monoprix, is a department store.  In addition to food, they sell clothes, tools, pans, dishes, and more.  I thought it was sad since, for centuries, France was a country with small, specialized stores and open-air markets.  They still have these but the American way of life has saturated most of Europe.

2

There’s only so much to say about being in an airplane for eight hours.  Air France just isn’t what it used to be -- elegant, spacious, the Concorde.  I was in the very last row which was the proverbial sardine can.  Next to me, in a three-seat section, was a large, football player-sized guy who was not loving life and had taken over my right side.  Fortunately, I was sitting in an aisle seat.  The woman in front of me, however,  had pushed her seat back as far as it would go.  Sitting in the very last row I had nowhere to turn so she was on my lap for all intents and purposes.  When I asked her to move up a few inches she said to me “This is an airplane!”  The battle of the bitches began and I did what I had to do -- I repeatedly knocked her seat with my knees in short intervals.  She was not happy but she had no option to fight me.  Ultimately, she had to move her seat when dinner was served.  The dinner meal was either herb chicken or pasta with tuna on top but by the time they got to me there was only pasta with tuna - not a great combo.  I watched a couple of French movies, started an episode of Friends then switched to The Great Gatsby.  Leo DiCaprio is not Robert Redford.  It was a rough flight.

I arrived in Paris at 11:30 a.m., flew through customs and easily found the train to the Gare du Nord and arrived by 1:30 p.m. at the Paris apartment where I am staying.  A young guy named  Manuel is the host of the apartment and his girlfriend, Lucie,  was supposed to meet me at 2:30 to deliver the keys.  I ttexted her that I would be there early but unbeknownst to me I could neither text nor call her because I had her long french telephone number written incorrectly in my phone.  So I waited outside the apartment like a two-bit French whore whose glow had dimmed with age.   Finally, Lucie arrives at 3:30, gave me the keys, showed me the apartment and left.  The apartment is tiny; it measures only 160 sq ft.

Unfortunately the apartment was not cleaned before I arrived so, much to my chagrin, I was forced to do some cleaning right off the bat.  It appears that a person with long brown hair (and falling out to some degree) was the previous occupant. 

My next act was to take a nap.  I must say, I feel very free.